You wait your whole life

to be with prince charming. Oh don’t you lie. You know you’ve always wanted that bae who was just too good to be true.

And if he isn’t too good to be true at least he is yours. Am I right?

So like. I’m dating someone. Yeah control yourself – trainwrecks find love too.

And now Im realizing, maybe I should be single.

Full disclosure he is aware I blog: He will never find this blog.


Maybe its because it took so long for me to be with him (I have referenced him here and there) so its extremely anticlimactic that we are the real deal (which is a real issue of today, someone should address this) oor maybe its because Im noticing that the second that a man becomes mine, I want him to be MINE. I lose focus of me and it becomes a whirlwind of silent crazy emotion that makes me a useless bag of whats ifs and can we talk. I never actually get around to saying any of the floating questions in my head because I am not a crazy bat outside of this blog.

I explained this to my gal T on the phone the other day. And she says we just need to find ourselves as a couple. But thats the part that confuses me.  Whats the point of being in a relationship if I have to hide this ginormous part of my mind that develops when I am in one?  C’mon guys you all know me by now (and if you don’t… well keep reading the blog).  I am inquisitive and I am doubtful and I really don’t mean to be.  Habits worth working on right? Well sorry, not sorry.

This man chose me right? Well is it ok to ask why? If not then like why?

Its the fact that in an intimate relationship I am willing to share these sort of things, its why I’m in one really and I hate being the “weaker” of the two. The one who wants to share and divulge and give and give and give.

I guess what I am trying to say is I am trying to learn to hold back parts of me from someone I already care about. But its hard for me. It turns me into someone I naturally am not.  And if thats the way the game is played maybe I should not be allowed to play.


This is not a feminist rant…

All I want for Christmas is for Taylor Swift to disappear from the spotlight and have real women of worth and SUBSTANCE be recognized.  And normally I don’t cheer with the feminist crowd cause I never know if I’m saying the right thing (even though I am a woman…) and also because I’ve been to a strip club (don’t look at me like that).  I’ve been told by a self proclaimed feminist that, that small fact very likely keeps me from sitting for chair woman of the feminist society… like I said… I don’t know.  I’m still woman, hear me purr and roar depending on how much sleep I got.


Who do you want to see here?


This is not a feminist rant.  This is a why do we idolize a 14 year old girl in a 25 year old woman’s body…? rant Because shes friendly? WHAT ON EARTH DOES SHE DO? I honestly believe America sets the bar sooo low for what a great person is. Its embarrassing.  Lets talk George Clooney’s wife.

1) You wifed up George… George, the bachelor of the world. You hear that? Ya, that’s the sound of me clapping.


now that I’ve covered the superficial stuff the public apparently loves so much:

3) She’s an international lawyer for HUMAN RIGHTS (Taylor fckn who??)

Girl you the real MVP

Girl you the real MVP

Little girls listen up: that is who you want to be looking up to.  I’m sure she had a unibrow and got bullied when she was little and now she’s fabulous! She did not let a man define her or her career but rather told THE man to get on her train and hold the hell on.

You DO NOT WANT TO BE TAYLOR SWIFT; Who defines herself by her relationships, constant new female companions (there is nothing wrong with having friends… view blog post where I rant about how much I love my friends) and constantly reverts back to childhood drama. No. You want to learn the idea of standing on your own two feet and moving on and building success that way.

Am I saying Taylor’s incessant whining break up, bullying tunes (what some refer to as anthems) are not relatable? Sure. Am I saying we can do better for role-models as a nation? Absofucknlutely. I just feel like if the aim is to give Person of the Year to a relatable person… give it to a relatable person who has DONE something that makes them stand out or benefits others… Am I getting too into the giving spirit here? In my humble blogosphere opinion Taylor has never set an example I would need women nor men in my life to emulate and if Taylor could be on that cover, well than I could be on that cover, with MY own awkward bad break up, 5’9″ figure, chin blemish and all.

By the way… its my Birthday tomorrow.  #feelingtwentytwo (thanks for the hashtag Taylor…..)


Never satisfied

Is our generation sad because we are never satisfied?

Are we never satisfied because we are suddenly so aware every day of all the things we could have?

Does happiness come from thinking you have it all?

Is bliss really ignorance?

And if this is so, why are older generations so quick to say we are the most self-absorbed and ignorant generation of them all?

Is it because our need to want so much from seeing so much makes us look inner-ward too often?

I ask myself so often when I am doing so fine for twenty-something…will I ever be satisfied?


Readers (reader…singular, plural? are you out there?).  I did it.

I ventured far beyond my comfort zone and let me tell you, it was more than everything I hoped for.

Let me start off by saying, it was not easy.  I panicked at the airport as my ma walked away.  Then I panicked some more in the terminal bathroom as I snapchatted my equally anxious friends… what the actual f*ck am I doing?  

And no I was not like “WOOOOO” as the plane took off down the runway and my beloved hometown became a small sparkling gem along the Atlantic, but the one thing I am coming to find is that fear that pushes you to do new and great things should be welcomed.  I can’t imagine never having gone on this trip.  I feel like I have a whole new mindset and an inner bravery I would have never otherwise found.

That being said, the next few blog posts will be dedicated to the travel experience, candid (when am I not?) experts from my travel journal, little pieces of overseas advice for the traveling diva that I wish I had known before, and plans for more adventures.

Fasten your seat belts readers, we are now ready for take off…