Today…I pulled my shit together

Today I pulled my shit together and there was still so much more to do. I got up ready to try again. Yes, I am riding on that resolution BS, but I will take what I can get when I can get it. Never underestimate the power of group mentality.  To say I have been trying to figure it out since the last time I wrote would be an understatement. I have yet again had my heartbroken by those I didn’t even know were holding it, drank vegetables in liquid form, paid to run in races, binge watched shows that gave me nightmares and quit jobs that were probably good for me.

Every morning I get up and sigh. I sigh so loud I’m afraid I will wake up my roommates. Then I immediately think f*ck ’em. Then quickly backtrack and think, I’m so sorry guys I actually don’t hate you But then I think, God I swear so much. Oh then I’m like, God…? Oh hey man, I’m sorry about, well everything that has just happened in the last 5 seconds since I opened my eyes. And then by the time I finish this exchange I’m exhausted and its time for work. So what I have learned since August 09, 2015…? That I know nothing at all. And maybe we’re all just faking it. And I need to get better at faking it to survive. And if this isn’t the truth I want to meet the man who gets up each day greeting the sky and ask if I can stay with him a while.

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I am most at peace right here, right now. Writing. I know that. So I should use that knowledge as power for my next journey. Finding the thing that makes me greet the sky each morning. I would like to promise to cut the shit with the sighing and swearing but I can only lose one vice at a time.  I will keep you posted which one I choose.

 

Inspire me. What makes you greet the sky each morning?

The NEW weekend

Honestly I’m not even gonna apologize for being away from the blog for so long

Cause by now you should know your girl has a longterm commitment problem and if not well “we need to talk.”

Anyways as another beautiful summer weekend comes to a close Im starting to realize weekends no longer have ends. Like they are just part of the week.  We feel the hype because we are trained to feel the hype from elementary school.  Sunday is the new Friday and it took me awhile to get passed that memo. Thanks guys!

How do people work? I need to know. I know that my job doesn’t require me to be up in an office at 8am on Monday morning during the summer (yes, Im blessed, I recognize and I say all my thank yous all the time) but these people are going IN on Sunday night. Its called sunDAY funDAY because you get your drank on during the day, it wears of and you prep for the week at night. Not blacking out Sunday night and then what?  Can I just shadow whoever started this whole shabang? You live well.

Well while I’ve been gone, I’ve been very single. No, no hold the tears. I’m good.

Really. The man had to go.

My soul was never going to be at ease with someone who would not let me in all the way, all the time.  I was in a relationship and kept forgetting that there was two of us in it. SO weight lifted, small tears shed, whatever. Occasionally I wanna poison his coffee, or snuggle his muscly back or hit him with my roommates truck or call him up to like cry and apologize (for what? being the best girlfriend ever? So like I can’t cook but yo I can clean) or shave his head, but I think he’d still look good. But those are all just waves and phases and I’m riding them out like a good independent single girl with a full time job and future plans on the mind should.

The only issue is while you’re single everyone expects you to mingle.

Its like rule one: While you are alone in spirit you may never be a l o n e i n bed.

Oh cause thats really gonna cleanse my soul? Tossing sheets with a bunch of strangers.

Well I never let bad advice go un-listened to so I’ve been…. “meeting gentlemen” Wow that sounds like prostitutes, but like how far apart are the two ideas? Just neither of us has money. Well maybe these guys do but they never last long enough for me to find out. Wanna know why? Well lets start with last weekends fiasco:

A grown man pee’d in my bed. I know. How? Why? What? Seriously? Gloria?

Im mortified just sharing this information because its like, did I just attract an animal into bed with me?

So get this … he denies it (yes I made sure it wasn’t sweat… who sweats just around their groin?), I want him to leave, he’s cuddling hardcore alone in my bed. GET THE F OUT. I need an ejection button. Please note this man was an attractive, working, college educated person! I do try to put some thought into the whole thing. But why was he also an untrained dog? They say men are babies, but WHOA.

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EJECTION BUTTON NOW!

So that morning I wash everything in my life and I swear off one night stands… Which brings us to this weekend: Dude comes over. Cool. Dude looks well groomed. Cool. Dude informs me he’s been dabbling in “party favors.” Whatever, its Saturday. Dude does not pee in my bed. Awesome! Dude does go to the bathroom (like you should). Then two hours later never comes back.  I fell asleep thinking he left which makes my life easier then I realize his clothes are still on my floor and his phone and keys on my dresser….. Uh?  Well Nancy Gloria Drew gets out of bed early Sunday morning to go look for her mystery man.  I had come up with three theories: Bathroom floor vomiting, kitchen eating food that isn’t his, living room couch hanging with my guy roommate. All things I would find and turn a blind eye too.  No, he isn’t in any of these places. My next thought: He wandered out of my house with no clothes and maybe lied about just how many “party favors” he helped himself too. So I put his stuff in a pile by the door and went back to bed. What else would you do? Really?

I eventually find the dumbass lying spread eagle on top of my roommate’s (who wasn’t home) bed. Wait. GET THE F OUT. Like I said I need an ejection button.

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While all this is happening, S is in Ireland frolicking with the horses and fairies, C is Eurotrippin for the first time,  E lives in Georgia now and it is likely F will be engaged by the end of the year.  Please understand there is a lack of lady support in my life right meow. So I’ve been handling myself within Gloria-Reason.

When you’ve never really been in control you can’t really be expected to get it back.  Am I right?

My guy roommate and I were talking about how maybe this is my sign that after this summer: No more playing the field. He kindly took me to play with puppies at a local shelter today post-fiasco (sidenote: my roommates are good people). And its like half of me is all ” I don’t wanna be a player no more” and I see the signs and I’m listening. Yet the other half is like “I can do bad all by myself.”

My Yogi teabag said the other day “Let things come to you” and you know what…that tea bag couldn’t have been more right. Straight chillen in the love department! Someone bring me chips, dip and a drink.

You wait your whole life

to be with prince charming. Oh don’t you lie. You know you’ve always wanted that bae who was just too good to be true.

And if he isn’t too good to be true at least he is yours. Am I right?

So like. I’m dating someone. Yeah control yourself – trainwrecks find love too.

And now Im realizing, maybe I should be single.

Full disclosure he is aware I blog: He will never find this blog.

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Maybe its because it took so long for me to be with him (I have referenced him here and there) so its extremely anticlimactic that we are the real deal (which is a real issue of today, someone should address this) oor maybe its because Im noticing that the second that a man becomes mine, I want him to be MINE. I lose focus of me and it becomes a whirlwind of silent crazy emotion that makes me a useless bag of whats ifs and can we talk. I never actually get around to saying any of the floating questions in my head because I am not a crazy bat outside of this blog.

I explained this to my gal T on the phone the other day. And she says we just need to find ourselves as a couple. But thats the part that confuses me.  Whats the point of being in a relationship if I have to hide this ginormous part of my mind that develops when I am in one?  C’mon guys you all know me by now (and if you don’t… well keep reading the blog).  I am inquisitive and I am doubtful and I really don’t mean to be.  Habits worth working on right? Well sorry, not sorry.

This man chose me right? Well is it ok to ask why? If not then like why?

Its the fact that in an intimate relationship I am willing to share these sort of things, its why I’m in one really and I hate being the “weaker” of the two. The one who wants to share and divulge and give and give and give.

I guess what I am trying to say is I am trying to learn to hold back parts of me from someone I already care about. But its hard for me. It turns me into someone I naturally am not.  And if thats the way the game is played maybe I should not be allowed to play.

From the [new] Journal

If you’re gone forever please let me know.

If you’re gone forever I have to know.

My heart can’t take it, My mind won’t slow.

Its new to heartbreak. It can’t just let go.

If you’re gone forever how will I know. Wait in suspense for you never to show?

If you’re gone forever please let me know.

This is not a feminist rant…

All I want for Christmas is for Taylor Swift to disappear from the spotlight and have real women of worth and SUBSTANCE be recognized.  And normally I don’t cheer with the feminist crowd cause I never know if I’m saying the right thing (even though I am a woman…) and also because I’ve been to a strip club (don’t look at me like that).  I’ve been told by a self proclaimed feminist that, that small fact very likely keeps me from sitting for chair woman of the feminist society… like I said… I don’t know.  I’m still woman, hear me purr and roar depending on how much sleep I got.

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Who do you want to see here?

 

This is not a feminist rant.  This is a why do we idolize a 14 year old girl in a 25 year old woman’s body…? rant Because shes friendly? WHAT ON EARTH DOES SHE DO? I honestly believe America sets the bar sooo low for what a great person is. Its embarrassing.  Lets talk George Clooney’s wife.

1) You wifed up George… George, the bachelor of the world. You hear that? Ya, that’s the sound of me clapping.

2) HER HAIR…

now that I’ve covered the superficial stuff the public apparently loves so much:

3) She’s an international lawyer for HUMAN RIGHTS (Taylor fckn who??)

Girl you the real MVP

Girl you the real MVP

Little girls listen up: that is who you want to be looking up to.  I’m sure she had a unibrow and got bullied when she was little and now she’s fabulous! She did not let a man define her or her career but rather told THE man to get on her train and hold the hell on.

You DO NOT WANT TO BE TAYLOR SWIFT; Who defines herself by her relationships, constant new female companions (there is nothing wrong with having friends… view blog post where I rant about how much I love my friends) and constantly reverts back to childhood drama. No. You want to learn the idea of standing on your own two feet and moving on and building success that way.

Am I saying Taylor’s incessant whining break up, bullying tunes (what some refer to as anthems) are not relatable? Sure. Am I saying we can do better for role-models as a nation? Absofucknlutely. I just feel like if the aim is to give Person of the Year to a relatable person… give it to a relatable person who has DONE something that makes them stand out or benefits others… Am I getting too into the giving spirit here? In my humble blogosphere opinion Taylor has never set an example I would need women nor men in my life to emulate and if Taylor could be on that cover, well than I could be on that cover, with MY own awkward bad break up, 5’9″ figure, chin blemish and all.

By the way… its my Birthday tomorrow.  #feelingtwentytwo (thanks for the hashtag Taylor…..)

4-22-birthday


I’ll see you later…

No, no you won’t. The funniest part about travel was probably the parting part (har har har).  What do you say when you’ve met this perfectly perfect person (or slept with… no ones judging.. its a eurotrip…) and its time to hop on your boat or take a different path or check out of your hostel/hotel? See you later?  No.  That in most realistic cases is a lie. Bye period.

Traveling relationships are all short stories, cliff hangers.  When at home we develop chapters and books and novels and series with people, some of which we wish were just sentences and yet others are only given to us for a ferry ride from Athens to Ios.  I watched two people whom I cupid’d together do the splitting of the world travelers last night and its sad, but its a “lets be realistic sad” and then its a “I don’t want be realistic sad, send me a plane ticket in the mail mate!”

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Then I myself said goodbye to a bi-contential affair.  Though brief its strange to me that he’ll no longer be asking me to say “cup of coffee” at 4am hoping for a Boston accent, while I’m nuzzled into his bronzed chest (yeah traveling brings great things…really).

We knew the sun would come up and we’d both keep moving with our own adventures, yet as he stood in the doorway ready to leave he cheerfully lets out, “So I’ll see you later then?”

#Gloglobal

Readers (reader…singular, plural? are you out there?).  I did it.

I ventured far beyond my comfort zone and let me tell you, it was more than everything I hoped for.

Let me start off by saying, it was not easy.  I panicked at the airport as my ma walked away.  Then I panicked some more in the terminal bathroom as I snapchatted my equally anxious friends… what the actual f*ck am I doing?  

And no I was not like “WOOOOO” as the plane took off down the runway and my beloved hometown became a small sparkling gem along the Atlantic, but the one thing I am coming to find is that fear that pushes you to do new and great things should be welcomed.  I can’t imagine never having gone on this trip.  I feel like I have a whole new mindset and an inner bravery I would have never otherwise found.

That being said, the next few blog posts will be dedicated to the travel experience, candid (when am I not?) experts from my travel journal, little pieces of overseas advice for the traveling diva that I wish I had known before, and plans for more adventures.

Fasten your seat belts readers, we are now ready for take off…

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