You wait your whole life

to be with prince charming. Oh don’t you lie. You know you’ve always wanted that bae who was just too good to be true.

And if he isn’t too good to be true at least he is yours. Am I right?

So like. I’m dating someone. Yeah control yourself – trainwrecks find love too.

And now Im realizing, maybe I should be single.

Full disclosure he is aware I blog: He will never find this blog.

boyfran

Maybe its because it took so long for me to be with him (I have referenced him here and there) so its extremely anticlimactic that we are the real deal (which is a real issue of today, someone should address this) oor maybe its because Im noticing that the second that a man becomes mine, I want him to be MINE. I lose focus of me and it becomes a whirlwind of silent crazy emotion that makes me a useless bag of whats ifs and can we talk. I never actually get around to saying any of the floating questions in my head because I am not a crazy bat outside of this blog.

I explained this to my gal T on the phone the other day. And she says we just need to find ourselves as a couple. But thats the part that confuses me.  Whats the point of being in a relationship if I have to hide this ginormous part of my mind that develops when I am in one?  C’mon guys you all know me by now (and if you don’t… well keep reading the blog).  I am inquisitive and I am doubtful and I really don’t mean to be.  Habits worth working on right? Well sorry, not sorry.

This man chose me right? Well is it ok to ask why? If not then like why?

Its the fact that in an intimate relationship I am willing to share these sort of things, its why I’m in one really and I hate being the “weaker” of the two. The one who wants to share and divulge and give and give and give.

I guess what I am trying to say is I am trying to learn to hold back parts of me from someone I already care about. But its hard for me. It turns me into someone I naturally am not.  And if thats the way the game is played maybe I should not be allowed to play.

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